dark calm quiet house
rain gently taps the sky light
fingers tapping words
A very long day of tasks to complete lingers still, but in the stillness I somehow find a quiet mind.
Perhaps it is the surrender of energy spent, or maybe the rain quenching the dry and desperate earth- but somehow the constant tension in me has vacated- leaving room for poetry and a dinner of fresh chopped vegetables.
Somehow, I will finish it all. But for now, I will enjoy the calm.
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Friday, September 16, 2011
Cheers the Freakin Weekend!
Oh what a week! It's so nice to have one more week under my belt. The grace of the Lord never fails me. He has answered my desperate prayers for tranquility and joy in the midst of a strenuous, consuming and rather relentless schedule this semester. I have my happy back! Hallelujah!
Yesterday, I dreamed of my graduation party. I watched myself thanking friends, family and my precious husband for supporting me through this journey. My dream reminded me of two important things: one- the power of visualization. Call me an idealist, I'll gladly wear the title. I expect the very best everyday. I believe in visualizing the fruition of dreams and goals. There is power in that image and even more in speaking those goals aloud. Here on my blog I say: I will toast the joy of graduating with a ph.d in a few years, surrounded my friends and family and one heck of a party!
Second, don't save your thank-you's! Ears never tire of blessings. If I think them, I will say them. Thank you family, friends for your patient and caring listening and support in my overwhelmed moments. Thank you husband for your unwavering support and patience for a wife who has ceased to cook, clean, and shop in lieu of staring into a laptop for hours on end. I'm so lucky so have married someone who has already blazed this trail and survived.
Cheers to the weekend, in spite of working- I will celebrate my mother's 55th birthday with dinner and a show. And enjoy a quiet, laptop free evening with my husband, dogs and cats. Sounds amazing.
Yesterday, I dreamed of my graduation party. I watched myself thanking friends, family and my precious husband for supporting me through this journey. My dream reminded me of two important things: one- the power of visualization. Call me an idealist, I'll gladly wear the title. I expect the very best everyday. I believe in visualizing the fruition of dreams and goals. There is power in that image and even more in speaking those goals aloud. Here on my blog I say: I will toast the joy of graduating with a ph.d in a few years, surrounded my friends and family and one heck of a party!
Second, don't save your thank-you's! Ears never tire of blessings. If I think them, I will say them. Thank you family, friends for your patient and caring listening and support in my overwhelmed moments. Thank you husband for your unwavering support and patience for a wife who has ceased to cook, clean, and shop in lieu of staring into a laptop for hours on end. I'm so lucky so have married someone who has already blazed this trail and survived.
Cheers to the weekend, in spite of working- I will celebrate my mother's 55th birthday with dinner and a show. And enjoy a quiet, laptop free evening with my husband, dogs and cats. Sounds amazing.
Sunday, September 11, 2011
The Uphill Climb
Blogging, among many other things I love has taken a very distant back seat to my doctoral studies. Tonight, as midnight approaches, I find it the appropriate interruption from my htlm project toil.
Taking note of the uphill climb:
Year one is finished and year two begun at record pace. To date, life is the busiest and most intense I've experienced. I do enjoy my days, but resent the stress and time demands from my very core.
I miss writing for fun and am reminded of my divorce from the joy of reading as a child.
As a little girl, I read feverishly- devouring book after book with joy, curiosity and delight. As I progressed through school, that joy was squashed by an anvil of boring text books, tedious required reading notes and stupid-end-of-the-chapter questions. I quit reading for fun, and started glazing over the text to fulfill requirements with efficiency. My student life was awarded with A's and countless awards, but long gone was the joy of reading. As an adult looking back, what a tragic failure that was.
I'm determined to protect my love of writing. Tonight, I begin another week of 15 hour days without knowing definitively that I will finish everything in time. Inundation lowers the quality of my work, which feels like a failure to me. I have left some projects unfinished because of inevitable prioritization of deadlines, again- gut-wrenching! I'm gaining weight and having trouble getting my mind to down enough to sleep through the night. I don't have much time to cook, clean, be creative, work out or attend social events. I spend most of my time at home, alone, in front of my laptop- working. I do not intend to complain, just note the reality of life right now. This is the uphill climb; and it's bloody hard.
On occasion, I've considered quitting, but absolutely cannot fathom allowing the sacrifices I have already made thus far become all for nothing. Onward I push and climb, through the occasional tears and four letter words and frequent prayers for strength and tranquility. Believing that reaching new heights is worth the price tag and hoping I am becoming a better person, hoping I am bringing glory to the Leader. one. step. at. a. time.
Taking note of the uphill climb:
Year one is finished and year two begun at record pace. To date, life is the busiest and most intense I've experienced. I do enjoy my days, but resent the stress and time demands from my very core.
I miss writing for fun and am reminded of my divorce from the joy of reading as a child.
As a little girl, I read feverishly- devouring book after book with joy, curiosity and delight. As I progressed through school, that joy was squashed by an anvil of boring text books, tedious required reading notes and stupid-end-of-the-chapter questions. I quit reading for fun, and started glazing over the text to fulfill requirements with efficiency. My student life was awarded with A's and countless awards, but long gone was the joy of reading. As an adult looking back, what a tragic failure that was.
I'm determined to protect my love of writing. Tonight, I begin another week of 15 hour days without knowing definitively that I will finish everything in time. Inundation lowers the quality of my work, which feels like a failure to me. I have left some projects unfinished because of inevitable prioritization of deadlines, again- gut-wrenching! I'm gaining weight and having trouble getting my mind to down enough to sleep through the night. I don't have much time to cook, clean, be creative, work out or attend social events. I spend most of my time at home, alone, in front of my laptop- working. I do not intend to complain, just note the reality of life right now. This is the uphill climb; and it's bloody hard.
On occasion, I've considered quitting, but absolutely cannot fathom allowing the sacrifices I have already made thus far become all for nothing. Onward I push and climb, through the occasional tears and four letter words and frequent prayers for strength and tranquility. Believing that reaching new heights is worth the price tag and hoping I am becoming a better person, hoping I am bringing glory to the Leader. one. step. at. a. time.
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