A countdown ode to 38 weeks pregnant...

10 Hours of reading blogs and forums on child birthing…

9 Minutes to climb one flight of stairs…

8 Maternity items that still fit…

7 Heaping tablespoons of ice cream to escape the Texas summer heat…

6 Servings of Tums crunched per day to relieve this never-ending heartburn… hey, at least its extra calcium!

4 Limbs covered in itchy pregnancy rashes… kill me now!

3 Gallons of water in a day and still thirsty!

2 Teaspoons of Metamucil… enough said.

1 Baby in still baking in the oven that makes it allll worth it. 

Can’t wait to meet him… sooner rather than later... please. ;)

The rare but ugly...

I believe in trying to stay as positive as possible as ALL times. However, every so often I allow myself a full-blown gripe session and today is the day. I have an event this afternoon and another tomorrow- so I figured a blogging gripe session would be cathartic and spare my friends and family from a pity party ear-full.

I am 36 weeks pregnant. YAH! I am taking 9 hours of summer school in one month which is wonderful yet all-consuming leaving me no scratch of energy to cook, clean or even think of anything else. However, my trustworthy, but inconsistent house cleaner's phone has been off... again... for a week. I am to teach a course that ends in July - leaving me moderately stressed on the logistics of that mess if the baby comes early. 

I am having an allergic reaction to... something. I have rashes that itch profusely (all the time) and burn like fire if I am outside in the heat. These are all over my body- meaning I cannot shave my legs, meaning I cannot wear shorts or a bathing suit, meaning I basically am stuck in my house wearing mumus that are rapidly becoming too tight for my baby bump.

Most of my pregnancy clothes fit anymore- they are all too small for my bump. Trying on new clothes is officially NOT fun, and I don't have the time or energy to buy anything even I did want to.

I resent the constant demand of this ph.d. program sometimes. I have yet to go to one of my husband's basketball games this year.  And, my husband's sympathy meter is at capacity. I'll leave it at that. This week, quitting has crossed my mind more than once... for many good reasons.

I have contractions almost constantly, which is not a big deal and actually good, but they are starting to hurt a bit. If I stand or walk too long I get light-headed and dizzy. My feet swell up at the end of the day and my rings don't fit... even my watch is beginning to get tight on my wrist.

I wake up 20 times through the night to use the restroom and my feet are usually asleep when they hit the floor. I have to switch sides frequently because the top arm falls asleep as well.  

I'm tiring of how heavy I am. It's hard to do everything and I move as slow as an elephant. I can barely get out of cars, couches, beds, etc. One flight of stares feels like Mount Olympus. It's so annoying. I used to be so spry and springy. I totally understand the new mom's quest to lose the baby weight. I CAN'T wait to get this weight off of me. I'm covered in stretch marks and I don't even care one bit... I just want to be light again!

People stare and LAUGH at me wherever I go. I am NOT exaggerating. People LAUGH at me. Strangers constantly comment... "Wow, you are huge!" "Yes..." I say and smile, "I know."

I forget everything... all the time. Which means I will probably forget this miserable day... which is a blessing in it's own right. Speaking of blessings... I have many and it's time to count them. That's my rule. Vent... cry... then dry it up and count your blessings. Put on a smile and a mumu and show up for the party... even if I have to stay inside the whole time. ;) Attitude is everything and it's time to change mine.

4 Weeks Left of Pregnancy... 4 Weeks Left of Course Work...

Monday I will begin 9 hours of literacy course work.

This weekend, Neil and I completed the last of our baby tasks: a place for baby to sleep, bathe, swing and change diapers. We packed our hospital bags and wrote a jello-birth plan.

The Morgan family is in Austin for the summer. We enjoyed a visit with them this week. Baby T is a little wonder of beauty- peaceful, happy and very sweet. Motherhood becomes her mother in an astonishingly attractive way.

My body is telling me to S-L-O-W down and take it easy. I have regular, frequent contractions and the baby is engaged in my pelvis for about a week now. An engaged baby feels like a bowling ball between your legs. My personality seems notable indecisive, even on small choices like what to wear.

I am in full nesting mode- wanting to organize and clean the house in large and small ways. My belly is big and round. People often stop me and ask if I am having a boy, when and how I am doing.

I'm overjoyed to know that two more friends are pregnant! LS due with her second in October and AP due with her first, a son, in November. So exciting to see the parenthood chapter beginning and continuing for so many around us! I just love it!

Vroom... Vroom...

Life is zooming by!

Oh what has happened since March!?!
Finals! True to my anticipation, the Spring 2012 semester was intense! I worked my tail off and my papers still have significant room for growth.
Currently I am working on an independent study and gearing up for 6 hours of summer literacy courses and teaching one undergraduate course which ends... July 11. I'll let you do the math. ;)
However, upon Charlie's arrival- I will be officially into phase 2 of this dissertation process - meaning I will  only take one evening course giving Charlie and Daddy a night on their own every week while I'm in class! I opted not to work this Fall and stay home with Charlie and work on my qualifying exams and dissertation proposal when time allows. I'm hoping between naps and other peoples' laps- brilliance will emerge on my Fall projects.

Baby showers were absolute delights! Three showers and continuous gifts from friends has officially baby-geared us up! We almost have everything on the list. We are 6 weeks away and feeling the urg to get everything checked off the list as soon as possible. Neil is sure Charlie will arrive early and I am counting on a late baby. We'll see what Charlie decides. We have a doula lined up for our birthing classes and the big day as well. I've read and watched everything loose and conclude that giving birth is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get. I'm as prepared as I can be I suppose and the rest is up to fate. At this time, I am neither worried nor scared- I figure the baby is coming out one way or another and I just can't wait to meet him and find out who he is.

He feels a lot like his daddy- intense, active, strong, happy and deliberate. I am enjoying my protein shakes and swimming lately, oh and naps are officially back on the to do list- bliss!     

Dissonance and Diligence

Clicking papers into being, mining words and meaning and argument is my work
Balancing love and a homestead alongside the ticker-tape of tumbling tasks
Seizing joy with fury and savoring rest with purpose is certainly easier when stretched amongst the rushes
Like a jewel in refinement, turning, clunking and bouncing in the tumbler, I am acutely aware of the many facets of being.
All sides must be given attention and polished, with each step- the process continues- moving forward, ever so slightly, through the dissonance.

Working on the Weekends...

No motivation to work-
My professor will think I'm a jerk.

I've got transcripts to code and reviews to write-
But siting and starting are putting up quite a fight.

The sun is shining and calling my name-
I wonder how long I will play this procrastination game...?

I can reason and ration all day; I am shrewd-
But if I don't get this work done... I am going to be screw--!

Update Spring 2012 Begins

I have missed my blog! Writing for the joy of writing - ahh yes.

Where do I start? The holidays were eventful to say the least and I am thrilled to say that 2011 is the last holiday season I will spend in finals. ever.

Spring 2012 begins with a vengeance and lots of news... The secret is out, although not on FB and not going to be, Neil and I are expecting our first baby. I am 19 weeks preggers and what journey it has been so far! The first trimester about did me in! I couldn't eat a thing and felt sick 24-7, especially at night. Luckily, I could get my work done in the morning and muscle through classes at night. By the grace of God, I slid through the Fall semester and don't have any desire to look back! I threw up most of my holiday dinners and ended up losing over 7 lbs in my first trimester. As the nausea declined, massive daily headaches join my routine and I really thought... I may only have one child.

Thankfully, I am feeling better by week 19 and am gearing up for Spring with my guns-a-blazing! I have to be. Three classes this semester and 2 in summer will complete my course work for the doctoral program. Hopefully, baby will let me finish finals before his arrival on or around July 4th! An independence baby born to course-work-free mama! I'll take the rest of the summer to hang with the baby and then begin my qualifying exams, on my own time, :) in the Fall. After quals, the dissertation research and writing begins. Thankfully, all this work is on my own time, leaving my schedule flexible enough to accommodate the family needs.

I will honestly admit, last semester was down right miserable, but I am refreshed and rejuvenated with new vigor to knock out the work and get this degree done as planned. I imagine my life a year from now as a part time professor and full time mama and use that joy to help me through another literature review and critical review... and before I know it I am few steps closer to my goal. :)

In the meantime, I am beyond thrilled that our little one is growing and thriving. I love talking to other mama's and have channeled my researcher's lenses on all things baby. I can't wait to start working on the baby's room. The pictures above are Charlie, 18 weeks.