The Uphill Climb

Blogging, among many other things I love has taken a very distant back seat to my doctoral studies. Tonight, as midnight approaches, I find it the appropriate interruption from my htlm project toil.

Taking note of the uphill climb:

Year one is finished and year two begun at record pace. To date, life is the busiest and most intense I've experienced. I do enjoy my days, but resent the stress and time demands from my very core.

I miss writing for fun and am reminded of my divorce from the joy of reading as a child.

As a little girl, I read feverishly- devouring book after book with joy, curiosity and delight. As I progressed through school, that joy was squashed by an anvil of boring text books, tedious required reading notes and stupid-end-of-the-chapter questions. I quit reading for fun, and started glazing over the text to fulfill requirements with efficiency. My student life was awarded with A's and countless awards, but long gone was the joy of reading. As an adult looking back, what a tragic failure that was.

I'm determined to protect my love of writing. Tonight, I begin another week of 15 hour days without knowing definitively that I will finish everything in time. Inundation lowers the quality of my work, which feels like a failure to me. I have left some projects unfinished because of inevitable prioritization of deadlines, again- gut-wrenching! I'm gaining weight and having trouble getting my mind to down enough to sleep through the night. I don't have much time to cook, clean, be creative, work out or attend social events. I spend most of my time at home, alone, in front of my laptop- working. I do not intend to complain, just note the reality of life right now. This is the uphill climb; and it's bloody hard.

On occasion, I've considered quitting, but absolutely cannot fathom allowing the sacrifices I have already made thus far become all for nothing. Onward I push and climb, through the occasional tears and four letter words and frequent prayers for strength and tranquility. Believing that reaching new heights is worth the price tag and hoping I am becoming a better person, hoping I am bringing glory to the Leader. one. step. at. a. time.