Vroom... Vroom...

Life is zooming by!

Oh what has happened since March!?!
Finals! True to my anticipation, the Spring 2012 semester was intense! I worked my tail off and my papers still have significant room for growth.
Currently I am working on an independent study and gearing up for 6 hours of summer literacy courses and teaching one undergraduate course which ends... July 11. I'll let you do the math. ;)
However, upon Charlie's arrival- I will be officially into phase 2 of this dissertation process - meaning I will  only take one evening course giving Charlie and Daddy a night on their own every week while I'm in class! I opted not to work this Fall and stay home with Charlie and work on my qualifying exams and dissertation proposal when time allows. I'm hoping between naps and other peoples' laps- brilliance will emerge on my Fall projects.

Baby showers were absolute delights! Three showers and continuous gifts from friends has officially baby-geared us up! We almost have everything on the list. We are 6 weeks away and feeling the urg to get everything checked off the list as soon as possible. Neil is sure Charlie will arrive early and I am counting on a late baby. We'll see what Charlie decides. We have a doula lined up for our birthing classes and the big day as well. I've read and watched everything loose and conclude that giving birth is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get. I'm as prepared as I can be I suppose and the rest is up to fate. At this time, I am neither worried nor scared- I figure the baby is coming out one way or another and I just can't wait to meet him and find out who he is.

He feels a lot like his daddy- intense, active, strong, happy and deliberate. I am enjoying my protein shakes and swimming lately, oh and naps are officially back on the to do list- bliss!     

Dissonance and Diligence

Clicking papers into being, mining words and meaning and argument is my work
Balancing love and a homestead alongside the ticker-tape of tumbling tasks
Seizing joy with fury and savoring rest with purpose is certainly easier when stretched amongst the rushes
Like a jewel in refinement, turning, clunking and bouncing in the tumbler, I am acutely aware of the many facets of being.
All sides must be given attention and polished, with each step- the process continues- moving forward, ever so slightly, through the dissonance.

Working on the Weekends...

No motivation to work-
My professor will think I'm a jerk.

I've got transcripts to code and reviews to write-
But siting and starting are putting up quite a fight.

The sun is shining and calling my name-
I wonder how long I will play this procrastination game...?

I can reason and ration all day; I am shrewd-
But if I don't get this work done... I am going to be screw--!

Update Spring 2012 Begins

I have missed my blog! Writing for the joy of writing - ahh yes.

Where do I start? The holidays were eventful to say the least and I am thrilled to say that 2011 is the last holiday season I will spend in finals. ever.

Spring 2012 begins with a vengeance and lots of news... The secret is out, although not on FB and not going to be, Neil and I are expecting our first baby. I am 19 weeks preggers and what journey it has been so far! The first trimester about did me in! I couldn't eat a thing and felt sick 24-7, especially at night. Luckily, I could get my work done in the morning and muscle through classes at night. By the grace of God, I slid through the Fall semester and don't have any desire to look back! I threw up most of my holiday dinners and ended up losing over 7 lbs in my first trimester. As the nausea declined, massive daily headaches join my routine and I really thought... I may only have one child.

Thankfully, I am feeling better by week 19 and am gearing up for Spring with my guns-a-blazing! I have to be. Three classes this semester and 2 in summer will complete my course work for the doctoral program. Hopefully, baby will let me finish finals before his arrival on or around July 4th! An independence baby born to course-work-free mama! I'll take the rest of the summer to hang with the baby and then begin my qualifying exams, on my own time, :) in the Fall. After quals, the dissertation research and writing begins. Thankfully, all this work is on my own time, leaving my schedule flexible enough to accommodate the family needs.

I will honestly admit, last semester was down right miserable, but I am refreshed and rejuvenated with new vigor to knock out the work and get this degree done as planned. I imagine my life a year from now as a part time professor and full time mama and use that joy to help me through another literature review and critical review... and before I know it I am few steps closer to my goal. :)

In the meantime, I am beyond thrilled that our little one is growing and thriving. I love talking to other mama's and have channeled my researcher's lenses on all things baby. I can't wait to start working on the baby's room. The pictures above are Charlie, 18 weeks.

Monday Begin Again

Monday arrives with pleasant energy- waking to find a neat house and a few fall decorations- thanks to my mother.
The weekend brought a break (because I couldn't force myself to work anymore) from school work and several hours of watching movies and mindless television.
Sunday became an impromptu family gathering, complete with steaks and veggies on the grill, mum planting, cowboys game and a pumpkin carving contest. It was lovely to be together and relax throughout the day.
Friends are the precious family you get to choose, yes; but your family is always there for you to the very last day.
After a year of increasing isolated lifestyle, my appreciation of both has increased exponentially.

One project finished and another one begins.
I embrace what the week will hold for me and pray for the Lord to continue to work in my heart- helping me break free of the doctoral doldrums and dance back into joy.
Rejoice in the Lord, always- again, I say rejoice.

craft

what is your craft? is it learning, teaching, sharing, creating or all of these
what makes one a master of their craft?
still afternoon in my house alone, craving creative expression, color, noise
yearning for purity, intensely solid, visceral renaissance of movement and focus on beauty
the air changes and my throat tightens around the taunt of daydreams
the clock strikes 4 and it's time for class, for school
time to input then output
still looking to find the spirit of craft, i feel it approaching

a long day is over... haiku

dark calm quiet house
rain gently taps the sky light
fingers tapping words

A very long day of tasks to complete lingers still, but in the stillness I somehow find a quiet mind.
Perhaps it is the surrender of energy spent, or maybe the rain quenching the dry and desperate earth- but somehow the constant tension in me has vacated- leaving room for poetry and a dinner of fresh chopped vegetables.

Somehow, I will finish it all. But for now, I will enjoy the calm.