The last of the great divide!

Tonight is the last night Neil and I will have to spend sleeping and waking up in two different houses. After 8 looooong lonely months, this great divide has finally come to an end. I am so full of joy and excitement I can hardly sit still.

The joy of simple pleasures like waking up with your family, a house put together and the company of someone you love shall never be taken for granted in our clan.

Maybe this kind of anxiousness is exactly the kind of thing God prescribed for a girl leaving her hometown for a new one. OH! I don't know. I don't care. I just can't wait to see Neil, my dogs, and finally start getting settled in our new house.

Tick tock tick tock go go go go go go!... GLORY the day has finally come!

Mavelous Monday

There is never a bad time to count your blessings!

Monday is marvelous because...

1. My parents helped me pack up my 27ft moving truck and drive it to our new house... in true Burgie style, we muscled it out all in one evening... arriving in San Antonio at about midnight.

2. My amazing husband unloaded the truck all by himself, while his brain-fried wife ran errands back in Austin and the Kyle... forgetting one very important item... my bed for the weekend!

3. I am baby-sitting Lucy, one sweet, old black lab. She is precious and loving. She sticks by my side like glue wherever I go. Somehow, she has been an unexpected security blanket of sweetness and wisdom around me over a fragile weekend. I don't care what anyone says, Labs are the best dogs in the world. :)

4. We are in the very LAST week of school! Wah-HOO! It is rather bitter-sweet. Just as I have laid the groundwork for a bright future in my new school- I am leaving for the next frontier. Never have I worked in a school filled with so much experience and wisdom. Despite the older buildings- this place rings with energy and love, yes, I said it- love. The teachers here love each other and love these rascal kids too. I am hesitant to say any other campus will ever match the care and wisdom here. It's almost penetrable.

5. I have the week to prepare for summer training and clean house.

6. Went for a ride with Neil yesterday at the new frontier- scenic routes bursting with HiLls! Triathlon is only 7 days away!

7. Facing the day with optimism and confidence. Don't sweat the small stuff!

Moving 1 : Melanie 0

Philippians 1:6 Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ:

There is a song that I used to sing as a kid- the lyrics were:
"I am a promise. I am a possibility. I am a promise, with a capitol P!"
"And I am learning to hear God's voice, and I am trying to make the right choices
I'm a promise to be, anything God wants me to be"

These sweet lyrics come to mind today as I humbly scoop myself back up after a disappointing night. When we are disillusioned in ourselves we can be comforted by the promise that we are a work in progress. Even when we blow it- there is still good in us because there is God within us.
We don't give up, or beat ourselves up- we recognize that the possibility to grow has arrived and seize the opportunity to overcome a new challenge through the strength and discernment of the Lord.

I am fragile, but God's promises are strong.
I am unsure, but the possibility of good work in me will never be extinguished.
I am NOT perfect.
I am a promise.
I am a possibility.

"It's not the load that breaks you down - its the way you carry it."

Thanks, Lou.

Confession: Historically, I have had quite the meltdown every time I move. There's something about the masses of boxes full of stuff, and multitude of areas to clean, and oh my aching back! and gasp my empty pocketbook... that just sends me boo-hooing right over the edge.

I have decided that I will overcome this meltdown trigger. This whole orchestra of events has played out so amazingly- from finding a house, to finding a job/school and transitioning. I will choose to have faith that all of this moving will happen just as smoothly. I will not let my own teetering emotions get in the way, or turn an exciting thing into a stressful thing. If I am growing and simplifying... if will do me (or anybody else for that matter) no good to fall to pieces over a nest in disarray. I will not allow anxiety to steel my joy... even if that joy exists in the middle of a big fat mess.

Here's to minimal messes and minimal meltdowns ;)

Dear Brain...

Dear Brain,

I do not know where you are this morning. I thought you knew it was Monday and it was time to take care of business! However, you seem to be very tired to think or remember anything. Would you like some ginkoba biloba or something?

Weekend in review...

Left work early to book it through the storm to the new house SA.
We installed a beautiful new dishwasher! JOY! It is lovely and quiet with all of the features on my wish list.

We washes every kitchen cabinet and shelf and cut shelf paper for each drawer.
We cleaned the refrigerator and freezer AND oven.
We removed old vertical blinds.
We installed a few blinds, light bulbs and door exterior storage door knobs.
We uninstalled blinds, returned them and got different ones that block out more light so we can catch up on our much needed SLEEP! :)

Maisie pooped and peed in the house... twice! What the heck?!
I tried to teach her how to use the doggie door and she sat down with her back to me. Yes, I tried to lure her through with bacon treat and she still wouldn't budge which was quite shocking to me. What a tough cookie! Later that day, she did finally allow us to pull her through the dog door and then she was quite pleased. Baby steps, baby steps.

Kevin and Missy stopped by to say hello after a Sea World weekend with family. It was so fun to see them... even in the midst our housework haze.

Charge for this week:
Roof, floors, and packing.
Prepare for summer training for work.
Oh yes, I should train as my triathlon is 2 weeks away!

I know I can I know I can I know I can.

PS - Brain: we will go to bed early tonight.

Mother's Day

Mothers... what would we do without them?

What a great day to thank them for all they do. Neil and I are so grateful.

I have a half heavy heart. I found out a few days ago, my grandmother has lung cancer among other serious health complications that I already knew about. She has also been deep in dementia for a few years now. I have not seen her in a long time. I am ashamed to say that I did not have the courage to pick up the phone and call her yesterday.

The last few times we spoke on the phone- it just didn't feel like I was even talking to her. I know it's still her, but it's really not her. I know I am certainly not the first to wrap my head around this end of life journey, but I never knew I would fail her like this. I would pick up the phone and search for her number, but before I could push call- tears would begin to flow down my cheeks. I just couldn't do it. I wasn't strong enough to hold it together for her.

I usually try to find the silver lining in a situation- but I have so many thoughts about this I have no where else to put them but here on this blog.
Where has my courage gone? Even now as I write this, tears come as quickly as key strokes.

I know she will be happy to escape her sick body when the time comes.
Why am I so afraid and weak to face this stage of her life? to reach out to her?

Even in this situation, I can see God's grace around her. Though her mind does not allow her to grasp reality, she lives in her happiest memories of life- when her seven sons were young and her twin sister was as close as an arm's reach. Her medications keep her comfortable and as pain free as possible for now.

I selfishly want to remember our last fanciful conversation as our last. I am afraid to hear her in pain or in sadness.

I've never had to find this kind of strength before, but I guess it's time to find it. I'm going to learn more about this. And I'm going to find the strength to call before it's too late. `

SmileChoice

Smilechoice hear my voice

I woke up without you, but I will find you...
Did you get lost in the wash?

Follow the light, see the sun beams and sparkles?
You can see them; they are there... look ha-ha-hard!

1,2,3,4 blessings fall like gumdrop rain...
Just try to count them!

Smilechoice, I thought I had lost you this morning...
But no! You were right here all along.